[ she'll be sitting listlessly on one of the sofas staring at the floor as sora sits close enough to her. his question has her laughing for a moment before she replies. ]
I don't have a choice, do I?
[ there's absolutely no bite in her words. she's too tired to care. she spent all of the previous night caring and look what it did to her. ]
[ she'll dodge the part where he says it's okay to be sad because no. no it isn't okay. if she wallows then what good will all of this do her?
the silent will draw out between them for a moment longer before she says anything. ]
I wouldn't call us friends still... [ because izumo doesn't think of anyone as her friend. friends are honest to one another. ] ...but there's a reason why I come talk to you.
[ she'll nod her head once when he acknowledges the progress that has happened between them. she's...kind of glad for his answer but at the same time— ]
Does it really not?
[ she's not blind to see how friendly he is with others. admittedly, there are people who she treats more casually. a person that sora is aware of. ]
I...always speak my mind. You're free to as well, you know. It's only fair.
I know. [and this time there's a grin to go with the statement.] You're not the only person who doesn't always agree with me, Izumo. But I'm not going to stop believing what I believe either. That doesn't mean I won't get better at listening to what you have to say.
I don't want to say I completely understand why he did it, because I know I don't understand a lot about Kano yet. But I think I can see what he might've been thinking. [...and he sighs.] He wasn't himself at trial either, so that made things even harder.
I kind of wonder if he had, maybe he would've cooperated with us and people wouldn't have panicked.
[ hm. she sure hates how the more people she talks to about kano, the more it becomes clear that.....she probably knew him a little better than most people. or, well, seen a different side.
(HATE THAT.) ]
He wasn't himself for trial? [ she noticed a few things here and there but?? he also was ignoring his "buddy" for the week. ] Do you mean he was under an affect or something else?
[ she frowns at the rest of sora's response and. well. ]
...I wonder what would have happened if I was around to get involved in that. [ she curls up on the chair and wraps her arms around her knees as she brings them close to her person. ] If he was so fond of me then I'm sure he would have listened to me.
Mmhm. Somebody else told me that someone tried to change his feelings so that he'd be nicer during the trial. That backfired pretty hard. Kano doesn't seem like the kind of person that takes manipulation very well...so he acted out. It was one of those gems we got from collecting the nova.
[she's close enough she can see he looks visibly frustrated, though it's directly toward whoever thought that was a good idea.]
...what makes you say that? [he's not denying it because he knows he doesn't know everything about kano and who he spoke to, but also, izumo?]
[ still she curls up closer into herself and lowers her eyes to her toes. ]
I spoke to him the night after trial and when they took him away. I made him something to eat because I sort of promised him I would.
[ there. were many....things that izumo just walked herself into, but it's fine. except the fact that she's getting teary eyed about the whole thing (again). ]
...and then he had the nerve to tell me how important I was to him. That the only way he'd care about anything was because of me. [ she laughs a little. ] I, I know it's probably because of how he wouldn't have another chance b...but.... It's cruel.
No, I know he wasn't lying. [ she gives her head a little shake. no, definitely not. funny how she expects so many people to lie to her but knew kano wasn't at that time. ] It'd be better if he was.
[ ... ]
To confess to someone while being fully aware that you'll die the very next day is cruel isn't it? And not just die, but be there to witness the last moments of their life. To see them struggle for life.
[ she lets a few stray tears roll down her face before she looks back down and laughs bitterly. ]
...then listen to people who hate him even more for it.
[...ah. it's hard not to feel anything but sympathy right now because people sure were not kind about what kano did. like. kano absolutely messed up with what he tried to do to jeanne, but the whole situation was completely complicated. sora himself still doesn't know how he feels.
and he's not sure how to reply to izumo crying. he doesn't think a touch is welcome, but he does scoot a little closer to be near her, giving her space but making an attempt to show he's not leaving at all either.
...that particular situation seems to strike something in him though.]
...it feels cruel, yeah. Because you can't do anything about it now and because it's just leaving someone else's feelings in your hands with no way to return them or understand them better. It leaves a lot of questions and a lot of pain.
But I think in a way it's also a good thing to know. You know how he felt without any questions about what he may have been thinking or what he didn't get to say. There's no wondering if what he felt about you was real or not.
[a beat.] Kano told me he tended to do things to try and feel something real. I think that might've been what he wanted to do with you. To make sure you both knew it was.
That doesn't make it any easier though. I'm sorry.
[ between hiccups and izumo scrubbing her face clean of the tears, she listens to what sora says and commits it to mind. ]
It doesn't. [ even though it doesn't help, her tone isn't harsh. it's equally as apologetic because he's trying. despite how she has treated him...he tries. this isn't the first time he has seen her cry and she can't help but hope it is the last time. ] He apologized to me after to told me because he also knew.
He told me that I should forget him but then also asked me not to forget him. [ the duality of the situation. wanting to cling to someone but knowing you can't. ] What a strange request, right?
[ or not given their situation. ]
But I promised him I'd find a way to always remember him. I'm sure there are things I can't remember anymore but for right now, I want to make sure I can keep remembering him.
[he kind of wishes he had a tissue or something but his pockets are surprisingly empty that way. so instead, he hovers a bit, patiently waiting.]
It's maybe a little strange, but I think Kano was also the kind of person who...knew what was right, but he was selfish enough to want certain things anyway. We should forget him because it's not worth it to him, but we shouldn't because he wants to be thought about. It's hard to say.
He did tell me he'd come back to haunt me if he got the chance though, so there's that. [he doesn't think kano really wants to disappear from memory.]
If you want to keep remembering him...then let's find a way. We'll write it down, we'll keep talking about him...who knows? Maybe he'll hear us somewhere.
The kamidana. The little shrine that popped up in the inn was because I asked my leader for it. I wanted something that I could use to remember him—something that anyone could use to remember those who have been lost.
[ there will be more loss. she doesn’t nor will not let herself think that this is the last. it won’t be.
the words die in the back of her throat. the way that everyone cherishes the memories that they have and have not realized that they’ve lost. you don’t know what you’re missing until it’s gone would almost work in this situation if they don’t even know what’s missing when it goes.
nevertheless, sora’s comment about how kano said he would haunt them makes her laugh a little. of course he would say that. of course. ]
If he really does haunt us, then I hope he’s allowed to talk. I can imagine what he’d do if he couldn’t.
Kamidana...? I don't think I've ever seen one before. But it's a nice thought. How do you use it? [curiously. he wants to learn because it sounds nice as a gesture and also he does like learning things from her in general.
there's a slightly encouraging grin though with that.]
You know Kano. He'd find a way to communicate. It'd just be up to us to understand it.
There's no way to "use" it, but you bring an offering to whoever you're paying your respects. Normally they'd be like fruit, water, or rice but I'm not sure if all of that would go well.
[ the fondness in her voice still carries through and izumo vaguely imagines how a "haunting" from kano would go. she's pretty certain her idea of a haunt is going to be vastly different than others. ]
...but I guess you're right. He'll definitely find a way to get his point across. Whatever that point might be.
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I don't have a choice, do I?
[ there's absolutely no bite in her words. she's too tired to care. she spent all of the previous night caring and look what it did to her. ]
I have to be okay.
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Of course, I am.
[ she says with a bit of a humorless laugh. ]
If I just mope and let this drag me down, what use will I be? I won't be getting any closer to doing what must be done.
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...doesn't mean you can't take time to be sad though.
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the silent will draw out between them for a moment longer before she says anything. ]
I wouldn't call us friends still... [ because izumo doesn't think of anyone as her friend. friends are honest to one another. ] ...but there's a reason why I come talk to you.
[ if...he hasn't noticed?? ]
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Yeah. I've noticed that. [the tone says he doesn't mind at all because even after everything, he does care about what happens to her.] I don't mind.
[and he says it out loud, in case she hasn't noticed that either.]
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Does it really not?
[ she's not blind to see how friendly he is with others. admittedly, there are people who she treats more casually. a person that sora is aware of. ]
I...always speak my mind. You're free to as well, you know. It's only fair.
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I'll...do better myself.
[ softly: ]
Of trying to say what I mean.
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Okay. Then we'll both do our best. Right? [whatever she has to say now, however she wants to say it, he's open to it.]
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Or make the best attempt at it.
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What did you think of what all Kano did?
[ trial, execution, generally... ]
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I don't want to say I completely understand why he did it, because I know I don't understand a lot about Kano yet. But I think I can see what he might've been thinking. [...and he sighs.] He wasn't himself at trial either, so that made things even harder.
I kind of wonder if he had, maybe he would've cooperated with us and people wouldn't have panicked.
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(HATE THAT.) ]
He wasn't himself for trial? [ she noticed a few things here and there but?? he also was ignoring his "buddy" for the week. ] Do you mean he was under an affect or something else?
[ she frowns at the rest of sora's response and. well. ]
...I wonder what would have happened if I was around to get involved in that. [ she curls up on the chair and wraps her arms around her knees as she brings them close to her person. ] If he was so fond of me then I'm sure he would have listened to me.
[ haha what? ]
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Mmhm. Somebody else told me that someone tried to change his feelings so that he'd be nicer during the trial. That backfired pretty hard. Kano doesn't seem like the kind of person that takes manipulation very well...so he acted out. It was one of those gems we got from collecting the nova.
[she's close enough she can see he looks visibly frustrated, though it's directly toward whoever thought that was a good idea.]
...what makes you say that? [he's not denying it because he knows he doesn't know everything about kano and who he spoke to, but also, izumo?]
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maybe that's why she didn't notice. ]
No, he wouldn't.
[ still she curls up closer into herself and lowers her eyes to her toes. ]
I spoke to him the night after trial and when they took him away. I made him something to eat because I sort of promised him I would.
[ there. were many....things that izumo just walked herself into, but it's fine. except the fact that she's getting teary eyed about the whole thing (again). ]
...and then he had the nerve to tell me how important I was to him. That the only way he'd care about anything was because of me. [ she laughs a little. ] I, I know it's probably because of how he wouldn't have another chance b...but.... It's cruel.
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...do you think what he said wasn't true? [he's mostly gauging to see what, exactly, she thinks is cruel. the answer's everything to be honest.]
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[ ... ]
To confess to someone while being fully aware that you'll die the very next day is cruel isn't it? And not just die, but be there to witness the last moments of their life. To see them struggle for life.
[ she lets a few stray tears roll down her face before she looks back down and laughs bitterly. ]
...then listen to people who hate him even more for it.
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and he's not sure how to reply to izumo crying. he doesn't think a touch is welcome, but he does scoot a little closer to be near her, giving her space but making an attempt to show he's not leaving at all either.
...that particular situation seems to strike something in him though.]
...it feels cruel, yeah. Because you can't do anything about it now and because it's just leaving someone else's feelings in your hands with no way to return them or understand them better. It leaves a lot of questions and a lot of pain.
But I think in a way it's also a good thing to know. You know how he felt without any questions about what he may have been thinking or what he didn't get to say. There's no wondering if what he felt about you was real or not.
[a beat.] Kano told me he tended to do things to try and feel something real. I think that might've been what he wanted to do with you. To make sure you both knew it was.
That doesn't make it any easier though. I'm sorry.
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It doesn't. [ even though it doesn't help, her tone isn't harsh. it's equally as apologetic because he's trying. despite how she has treated him...he tries. this isn't the first time he has seen her cry and she can't help but hope it is the last time. ] He apologized to me after to told me because he also knew.
He told me that I should forget him but then also asked me not to forget him. [ the duality of the situation. wanting to cling to someone but knowing you can't. ] What a strange request, right?
[ or not given their situation. ]
But I promised him I'd find a way to always remember him. I'm sure there are things I can't remember anymore but for right now, I want to make sure I can keep remembering him.
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It's maybe a little strange, but I think Kano was also the kind of person who...knew what was right, but he was selfish enough to want certain things anyway. We should forget him because it's not worth it to him, but we shouldn't because he wants to be thought about. It's hard to say.
He did tell me he'd come back to haunt me if he got the chance though, so there's that. [he doesn't think kano really wants to disappear from memory.]
If you want to keep remembering him...then let's find a way. We'll write it down, we'll keep talking about him...who knows? Maybe he'll hear us somewhere.
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[ there will be more loss. she doesn’t nor will not let herself think that this is the last. it won’t be.
the words die in the back of her throat. the way that everyone cherishes the memories that they have and have not realized that they’ve lost. you don’t know what you’re missing until it’s gone would almost work in this situation if they don’t even know what’s missing when it goes.
nevertheless, sora’s comment about how kano said he would haunt them makes her laugh a little. of course he would say that. of course. ]
If he really does haunt us, then I hope he’s allowed to talk. I can imagine what he’d do if he couldn’t.
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there's a slightly encouraging grin though with that.]
You know Kano. He'd find a way to communicate. It'd just be up to us to understand it.
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[ the fondness in her voice still carries through and izumo vaguely imagines how a "haunting" from kano would go. she's pretty certain her idea of a haunt is going to be vastly different than others. ]
...but I guess you're right. He'll definitely find a way to get his point across. Whatever that point might be.
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