Alex ✬

[reconnective]

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[chanteuser]

[ she'd ruffle his hair if she wasn't like of concerned it'd stab her hand and they wouldn't get shocked. ]

What's you favourite thing to do with the leaders? [ because they can talk about it until the end of days, but some people are always gonna be salty binches to the leaders. ]

[reconnective]

[thanks alex.]

I usually ask questions about themselves to try and help them remember the things they liked and didn't like in their original lives. Even if they don't have their memories, memories still leave a lasting mark on the heart. Most of them don't seem to mind.

[chanteuser]

... That's a good idea, actually. I've asked some questions, but my leader and I usually just end up having snacks. [ or talking in circles but it's fine alex luv them. ]

[reconnective]

I think that still helps. Some of them are harder to make friends with, but I don't think any of them truly want to be alone. So even just hanging out with snacks isn't bad.

You could always start with the easy ones, like a favorite color or a favorite hobby.

[chanteuser]

Oh, I've done those a bit. I'll ask some of the others as well.

... I don't blame them though. They're as lost and trapped here as us, and I prefer not being alone either.

[reconnective]

It's worth a try. [confident nod!] Even if they won't say so and even if they tell people to go away I have to wonder how much they mean it. It must be confusing not to remember what brought you here.

[chanteuser]

Some of them are definitely better at pulling off the anti-social act than others.

But... we're possibly in a better position than them, despite the murders. At least we know who we are.

[reconnective]

For now. [not to bring down the mood, but it's a reminder.]

...how've your memories been? You're not losing really big things, are you?

[chanteuser]

[ sora you're supposed to be the peppy pop princess here... ]

What I am losing seems to be small enough to slip under the radar. Which is... scary enough in and of itself.

Nothing glaringly obvious so far.

[reconnective]

[SOMETIMES HE CAN BE A REALIST.]

You're right...that's both a good and a bad thing. If it's small enough, you might not even know right away. But the bigger ones are even scarier because it's so sudden.

I think...I'm glad though. It's a little easier, even if it's still dangerous.

[chanteuser]

[ nooooo ]

But if it’s a big memory, would you even know you’d lost it unless you specifically had to talk about it? [ it’s... scary. ]

I worry I’m going to lose something integral to me. Like... I don’t know. A part of my personality, or what makes me me.

[reconnective]

I think there's a bigger chance of learning you lost a big memory than one of the littler ones just because of what they are. But even if you lost them...I dunno. You're still you. The way those memories made you feel and how they shaped you doesn't disappear just because you can't remember how it happened. Not really.

[chanteuser]

[ it's complicated sora. ]

I've already lost them once. Losing any of them again is... unnerving. Especially when it's all my newer memories.

[ they're all she has. ]

[reconnective]

[....what the fuck is gangsta about.]

Oh. [he at least looks appropriately cowed by that, quiet for a moment as he thinks.] ...it must be pretty scary. Were you able to get them back the first time? Or were they just...gone?

[chanteuser]

[ A Lot. ]

They're coming back. Bit by bit. But they weren't fully back when I came here.

[reconnective]

That's even more unfair. [wow? leave alex alone?] I'm sorry. I didn't know this was even harder on you than some of the others.

[chanteuser]

It freaked me out a lot at first. [ ... ] But I've had some help talking it through. And talking me down when I was obsessing about it a bit too much.

[ oh right it's emotions week in this thread, so he can probably feel that she feels pretty grateful and quite fond at the same time. ]

[reconnective]

[there's a flutter of worry, but it seems to even out when alex continues.]

I'm glad. Everybody needs someone like that. Or someones, I guess. [there's a light smile.] We'll get everything back. And then maybe the rest of yours will come back, too. Like regaining the ones that were already missing because the rest are influencing it.

[chanteuser]

I think they’ll just show up as and when they do. I know why they’re gone, and that’s how I know they’ll come back. But I still want the ones that they’ve taken from here back.

[reconnective]

There has to be another way to get them back. I don't know what yet, but they aren't gone forever.

But I don't blame you. They're yours no matter what. Nobody should get to take those away. [...it's not the same, but.] I was missing memories for a long time, too. I never got them back, but it's okay. The memories I'm losing here are more important.

[chanteuser]

[ oh ]

You never got them back? ... Were you in an accident or something? I think there's a difference if you lose them through trauma or... well... something that suppresses them.

[reconnective]

No, nothing like that. It's kind of complicated and I don't understand all of it, but someone I know was changing my memories once. In order to fix it and put everything back the way it was though, all of our other memories from that time had to go away.

There was a purpose to it. So in the end, I guess it was okay. [this is what he's choosing to believe because wow. he's not going into why he had three people in his heart he had to learn how to free or anything like that.]

[chanteuser]

[ please don't her head would asplode. ]

...

Even if there's a purpose to it, it's scary to know you're missing something. But I think that's... something we all know now.

[reconnective]

Yeah. We're all experiencing the same thing now and it's exactly why we have to help each other. I don't mind.

[chanteuser]

That memory sharing thing the other week was probably a good idea. You're... spreading your memories around and then I guess you don't lose them.

Even if you don't specifically remember them.